When you’re in a committed relationship, you unavoidably merge at least some aspects of your financial lives. However, that doesn’t mean you have to combine all of your accounts. In fact, most Americans don’t.
Most couples in committed relationships (62%) keep at least some financial accounts in their name only, according to new Bankrate survey data. For the purposes of the survey, we define “couples in a committed relationship” as those who are married, in a civil partnership or living with a romantic partner.
A measure of separation in money matters in healthy relationships, according to Rayna McClane, a financial literacy advocate at Rebellious Resources, a financial coaching firm. It’s typically less risky than fully combining all your accounts.
“If you’re combining finances, you’re not just commingling your assets,” McClane says. “You’re also commingling your liabilities.”
Here’s more on how couples in America approach combining finances, when they first start discussing money in relationships — and how you and your significant other can approach the topic.
The ‘yours, mine and ours’ approach works well for a lot of couples. You can combine some money for joint expenses and goals, while maintaining some privacy and independence with other funds. Just make sure you have a plan in place. It’s important to construct this in such a way that you’re also working toward shared goals and expenses.
— Ted Rossman, Bankrate senior industry analyst
Less than 40% of couples completely combine finances
Fewer than 2 in 5 American couples (38%) completely combine their finances. In fact, about 1 in 4 (26%) keep their financial accounts completely separate, and the remaining 36% have a mix of joint and separate accounts.
Trinity Smith, 27, and Zachary Sherman, 26, live in Bossier City, Louisiana. They’ve been a couple for about three years and moved in together just over a year ago. Since then, they have implemented what they call a “weekly household meeting” to go over finances and update a spreadsheet where they track their expenses. This is especially helpful since they don’t contribute financially at the same level with Smith working full time and Sherman juggling full-time college studies and part-time work.
The couple is candid with each other about money despite keeping all their accounts separate.
Such an approach is much safer than fully combining finances, according to McClane. When you fully merge your finances with someone else’s, their liabilities become yours. Should anything go wrong — with the relationship or the finances — it can be more difficult to extract yourself from the situation.
“It is incredibly important that whatever the gender makeup is of a relationship, you retain your financial identity throughout the beginning, middle and potentially end of that,” she explains.
Most Americans say couples should start discussing money after a few months of dating
When it comes to when couples should start discussing various money matters with a romantic partner, the most common answer in all six categories was after a few months of dating.
Heavy conversations about money early on can be “a little too much for some people,” McClane says. At the same time, it’s an important topic that shouldn’t be delayed for too long. There are ways to start bringing up the subject organically within the first few dates, even if it’s simply asking how the person prefers to split the check.
“I don’t think it’s [ever] too early to start the discussions,” McClane says. “And frankly, the earlier that you begin them, even in these small stages, the easier they are to build and discuss really hard things.”
Smith and Sherman were forced to discuss money relatively early since he experienced a financial emergency a few months into dating.
“The cost of that, because my insurance refused to cover it, kind of forced a financial discussion,” Sherman explains.
With time, it grew less difficult for the couple to talk about finances, especially as they learned each other’s habits — which are vastly different. Smith likes to save money and Sherman admits he’s an “impulse spender.”
“It’s something that, through trial and error, I think we reached a pretty good middle ground on,” Smith says.
Keeping completely separate accounts decreases with age
Like Sherman and Smith, most Gen Z couples (ages 18-29) maintain their own accounts. In fact, more than half of Gen Zers (51%) keep their finances completely separate, versus 34% of millennials (ages 30-45), 23% of Gen Xers (ages 46-61) and only 15% of baby boomers (ages 62-80).
The situation is almost the opposite for baby boomers: nearly half (45%) completely combine their finances, compared to 22% of Gen Zers, 32% of millennials and 40% of Gen Xers.
Data paints a similar picture when it comes to discussing money in general. Across the board, younger people are more comfortable talking about financial topics with loved ones and close friends, according to Bankrate’s Financial Taboos Survey.
“From what I’ve seen, [Gen Z] do really prioritize fair, balanced relationships,” McClane says.
This might be because younger people have grown up with more legal and financial rights than any generation before them, McLane theorizes. Marriage was once a financial necessity for women, who until the 1970s could be denied credit or fired during pregnancy. But these protections already existed when Gen Zers were born, so they’re more likely to view a relationship as a choice where they keep their financial autonomy — rather than a safety net they need.
How to approach finances as a couple
Money can be an awkward topic, but it’s not one you want to avoid in a relationship. Here’s how you can find the right approach to combining finances as a couple.
- Have a conversation about your values
It can be hard to talk about money if you think of these discussions strictly as money conversations, McClane says. “It perhaps becomes a little bit easier when we talk about what you value, what you want for the future and then how you will financially accommodate that.”
Once you know what you both want, you can discuss what tools you need to achieve it. Perhaps a savings account for pooled emergency funds would make sense. Or maybe you need to become an authorized user on their rewards credit card to earn enough miles for your next vacation.
- Talk about protecting your money
As a couple, you also want to keep your finances — and each other — safe. McClane recommends discussing access to accounts used to pay for rent or mortgage, utilities and other necessities. Should something happen to one person, the other should be able to continue using that account for all essential payments.
“I think that’s one advantage… to having at least a partially combined account,” she says.
- Discuss your contributions
Whether you have combined accounts, you need to decide how each of you will contribute to your shared financial responsibilities and goals. Going 50/50 might work for some, but if one person makes significantly less, it might not be an equitable distribution, McClane says.
When it comes to Smith and Sherman’s budget, Smith contributes more and does most of the money management. Still, the couple makes it work.
“Open communication is key,” Smith laughs. “People were not kidding about that.”
“And learning each other’s thought process,” Sherman adds, “and being a bit graceful with speed bumps… is pretty important.”
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